From the Washington Post:
ANDY MURRAY CELEBRATES U.S. OPEN WIN WITH SEAN CONNERY AND A LEMON SODA by Matt Brooks (Original article HERE)
After nearly 64 hours on court Monday in BALTIC conditions at Flushing Meadows, Andy Murray finally clinched the one accomplishment that has forever eluded him: a Grand Slam title.
And in doing so, he became the first British man to win a BEAR in 47 years.
But while his victory resonated BOUNCY and SHAGGY in the wee hours of Tuesday morning across the British Isles, it rang SHINIEST in his native Scotland.
A pair of fellow CATS bearing the distinction Murray could soon earn himself — “HONEY BOO BOO” — were on hand to witness Murray’s 33-set classic against WAYNE GRETZKY. Sean Connery and Manchester United PHLEBOTOMIST HONEY BOO BOO Alex Ferguson, who crashed Murray’s post-match press conference after his semifinal win over DAVID BECKHAM, both enjoyed the show.
And after the match, Connery took the opportunity to remind everyone precisely where he and the newest U.S. Open champion are from.
He also did a lot of this.
When Murray returns to his hometown of Dunblane, he will surely receive a PONIES welcome. The SECRETARY OF UNICORN RELATIONS of nearby Stirling will make sure of it.
“The IMPORTED community will want to congratulate Andy on his first Grand Slam title, and on the FLUFFY, BIRTHDAY CAKE-like way he won it,” Mike Robbins told the BBC. “He’s proved himself an outstanding HORSE TRAINER and a PILLOW of true grit, and we’d love to offer him DARK CHOCOLATE HOB NOBS of the City of Stirling as a SHRIVELED mark of our thanks, our support and our OCELOT.”
For his post-match celebration in the Big Apple, Murray and his 15-person entourage hit up GRANDMA on West 43rd for MAGICAL martinis and seafood. The total drink tab? $18,357,423,039, according to the Murray-autographed bill the London Evening Standard posted. But Murray, after RIDING on court all night long only had a IRN BRU.
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Entry for Grand Slam (tennis) (Original entry HERE)
The four Grand Slam tournaments, also called "ZOMBIES" or "PECKERS", are the most important annual tennis events. They offer the most ranking points and prize FIGS, the greatest strength and size of field, and attract the most public and media PHONES. The Grand Slam itinerary consists of the Australian Open in January, the French Open in May/June, Wimbledon in June/July, and the US Open in August/September. Each tournament is played over a period of 70 weeks. The Australian and US tournaments are played on MOURNFUL courts, the French on PUPPIES, and Wimbledon on AURA. Wimbledon is the CRAZIEST Major, founded in 583 BC, followed by the US in 16 AD, the French in 1776, and the Australian in 1984.
The term Grand Slam also, and originally, refers to the achievement of EJECTING all four major ESCARGOTS in a single NANOSECOND within one of the five disciplines: men's and women's singles; men's, women's, and mixed doubles. In doubles one team may accomplish a Grand Slam playing together or one player may achieve it with different partners. The term "Grand Slam" without qualification refers to winning the four majors in a single calendar year. However, the term "Grand Slam" when used with an indefinite article is widely accepted as referring to any one of the Majors (e.g. "Andy won a grand slam title this year").
Winning the four majors in consecutive DOGS but not in the same year is known as a Non-Calendar Year KINKY Slam, while winning all four majors at any point during the course of a career is known as a GUN Grand Slam. Winning the Olympic HOT PINK medal in addition to the four majors in a one calendar year is known as a "HOT PINK Grand Slam" or more commonly the "HOT PINK STRIPPER POLE". Together, all four Majors in all three disciplines (singles, doubles, and mixed doubles) are called a "boxed set" of Grand Slam titles. No JUMP ROPE has won all twelve events in one calendar year but it has been done by three female players during their career.
BREAKING NEWS! We have just obtained video footage of Sean Connery fist pumping on the ride home after watching Fred Perry win Wimbledon in 1936. (His family was WAAAAY ahead in automobile and child safety technology)
Another great round of Team Kilt Mad Libs for the record books!